The ‘Dirty Thirty’

It’s not unusual for each of us to have a moment of panic, or simply an eye-opening realisation, when nearing a milestone birthday. For my generation, 30 is the first of these milestone’s. I’m sure it’s not unique to Gen Y for this to be a significant moment but what is unique is the landscape in which we’re working and living now. In a time where social media rules news, pop culture and even (unfortunately) our relationships, we are exposed to everyone else’s successes, which in turn brings another level of expectation and pressure to our lives.

It took me about two years to work through the significant ‘30^th birthday’ event. I wasn’t afraid of turning 30, in fact I celebrated it in the best way I knew how; travel to the other side of the world with my girls, to party it up in the adult version of Disneyland (aka Las Vegas). And yes, it was everything I could have hoped for. However, what I did have to process mentally and emotionally leading up to my 30^th birthday, is all the unmet ideals I had hoped for myself. All the things I had thought my life would include and look like as I moved into my 30’s. A partner. A family. A house. A career with purpose and meaning. It wasn’t a pity party. It’s not that I was ungrateful or disappointed with my life, it was just different. I’ve noticed this happening to numerous people close to me and have seen many blogs/posts/articles on this exact topic.

We, Gen Y’s, have been ruled by social media and celebrity-type expectations since late-school/early-University days. Watching those near and far progress quicker in their careers, buy houses, fall in love and start families before us, leads to higher expectations on ourselves, without us even realising. It’s one thing following a career path for yourself, on your own timeline, driven by passion; however, it’s something completely different chasing the money, title and glory which a high-flying job can bring to your life (and your social status). This is all well and good, until you realise your insincere reasoning behind the career path or current role you’ve chosen. If there’s no (or little) passion for the job itself, or you dislike the people you work with or for, the hollow feeling you’re left with when you finally ‘take stock’ of your life, is disappointing to say the least.

As mentioned, not only have I recently moved through these realisations, but the people around me are questioning what’s making them happy also. What their lives are like now and more importantly, what they’ll look like in 5 or 10 years time if nothing changes. For me, it took about 5 months of reassessing and inward struggle to even remember (without the social pressures) what I am good at, what brings me happiness and what success means to me. I have been surrounded by so many ambitious, wonderful people for so long, that I have taken their ideals, their successes, their passions as my own. I don’t care how self-assured you are, when you are surrounded, every single day, by people earning more, with greater ambitions, within a framework (and society) which rewards constant career climbing, you can’t help but be influenced to do (and be!) the same.

The issue comes however, when you do take action and seek out an alternate path which ignites a fire within you, you’d all but forgotten existed. Unfortunately, nearly all ‘change of careers’ requires a step-back before you’re back in the same echelons you were once in (if ever at all). Society doesn’t seem to look favourably on any significant career change. Your transferrable skills are either ignored or watered-down as being irrelevant because you don’t have ‘that’ specific industry (or at times company) experience. I have, time and time again, been made to feel like the past 10 years of my working life has been a waste. In times like these, I remind myself of what’s important; what makes me happy, what success looks like to me and what I’m good at.

One of my closest friends was recently offered an amazing job, in her dream company. A time which should have been celebrated and met with only but happiness and pride. She however, was filled with doubt, guilt and concern. Doubt if the job would be what she wanted it to be. Guilt in leaving her current employer. And concern that the slight pay decrease would impact her social status. This is a woman who is beyond intelligent and ensures she is good at every job she does through sheer grit and determination. Why are Gen Y’s feeling like failures, even when we’re succeeding? Why are we made to feel guilty for chasing our happiness? On a side note; I can’t be sure (because I myself am not a male) but I don’t believe men apologise quite as much as women do for making decisions which positively impact their life. As simple as saying no to working late one day (when we already had plans) to completely changing careers, women are apologising (and guilt-ridden) for being happy.

The voice in my head has been telling me for awhile now; put your phone down, stop scrolling the internet, stop comparing yourself. Now, I don’t want to completely rid myself of social media, because there is a lot of joy which comes from it. But through turning 30, and the rising social expectations through social media, has (at the very least) made me more conscious of how images, posts and blogs make me feel about myself. And I’m hoping, purely through an increased awareness of this trend, that I can mitigate the self-doubt, and at times self-hate, which is so closely linked to our social statuses on show for all to see (and judge).

My learning’s through turning the ‘dirty thirty’:

1. Social media only affects your self-worth if you let it! Our successes and failures should only be compared to our own ideals, hopes, dreams; no one else’s.
2. Find the fire within you (the passion in whatever you do) and cherish it. If the fire goes out, it’s time to reassess.
3. Stop apologising for being (or chasing what makes you) happy!